Dear Woman Who Feels Left Out on Mother's Day - Joyful Thrifty Home
May 082015

Dear Woman Who Feels Left Out On Mothers Day - Joyful Thrifty Home

Dear Woman Who Feels Left Out on Mother’s Day,

I want you to know that I see you. I know you walk into church hesitantly, hoping no one wishes you a happy mother’s day because it will only make you feel more awkward. If it does happen you just smile and nod then walk away.

 You sit in the pews praying that they don’t call for all the moms to stand up because you feel like everyone will notice that you are still sitting. I’m sure no one will really notice but you do and it makes the fact that you aren’t a mom sting just a little more than usual. Of course you are grateful for your own mom and want her to know that she is special to you but something about not being a mom yourself makes you feel left out.

 I know you sit there feeling like you are less valued because you aren’t a mom. You wonder if others who have children don’t really take you seriously because you don’t know what it’s like to be in their shoes. You have this idea in your head that you don’t think people will see you as an adult until you become a parent.

 You’ve been married more than five minutes (or five years) so it seems only normal that you would have kids by now…at least that’s what many people seem to think. What those people don’t know is that things don’t always work out that way.

 Life can be hard and maybe it just hasn’t been the right time to add kids into the mix just yet. Maybe you are struggling to even get pregnant so being left out of the mommy club stings all the more.

 You desperately want to connect with other women but it’s difficult when you don’t fit in with most women you know that are your age. It’s not like you can join the MOPS group or go on playdates. So you sit back and long for the day you’ll have your own little baby to hold. Then you will finally be able to join in the discussion about diapers, waking up with baby in the middle of the night and other crazy mommy moments as you watch your child grow up.

 I also know that you wonder if your struggles are less important or not as real because you don’t have the added responsibility of caring for your own children.

 Sure it’s expected that women with kids will have rough days. Kids are a lot of work and you don’t minimize that fact. You really do appreciate the unique struggles that moms deal with. It’s just that you think you don’t have an excuse to not have it all together because you don’t have kids to take care of.

 Please don’t get caught up in that lie. I know when you are browsing online, it is easy to find encouragement for specifically for moms but that is because those posts are targeting that specific audience. I see lots of posts about hope for the weary mom or encouragement for busy moms, etc. Does that mean that only moms get weary or only moms are busy? No!

Please, please, please…If I could tell you one thing it would be that I know you struggle and have bad days and that is okay! You don’t have to be a mom to need encouragement when you are having a bad day…you just have to be human.

I know it’s easy to dwell on what you don’t have but in the end it is only going to steal your joy. Things don’t always work out the way you hope but don’t forget that God has great plans for you and He loves you.

Can I tell you something else dear woman? I didn’t write these words just for you, I wrote them for me too. I see you because I am you.

So as you walk into church this Sunday, I pray that you can walk in with confidence because no you may not be a mom but you are still a precious and valued daughter of the King.

A Note About Infertility: I know that many women struggle with mother’s day because of infertility. I have not personally struggled with this but it is honestly one of my greatest fears. I have known some women who have dealt with it and I know that it is not an easy road to take. If Mother’s Day is hard for you because you are struggling with infertility, please know that my heart goes out to you.

 Before you go, I want to offer you some resources that I hope are helpful.

If you need encouragement not specifically directed to moms but still applicable all women, I highly recommend you check out Holley Gerth. Holley has walked a long road of pain and struggle with not having children of her own. Holley also believes that all women are mothers because women bring life into the world in some way. She and her husband now call a young woman whom they met when she was 20 their daughter.

Here’s a post Holley wrote that was featured by Lysa TerKeurst: Hope When Mother’s Day is Hard

Here’s a beautiful post by Holley for all women: Encouragement for Every Woman, Every Mama

Dear Woman Who Feels Left Out On Mothers Day - Joyful Thrifty Home

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About the Author

Ashley has been happily married to her husband since July 2010. She is a thrifty girl at heart with a bit of a crafty side. She is also a once disaster in the kitchen turned aspiring home chef. She loves coffee and herbal tea and is a self proclaimed library nerd. But her real passions are encouraging others in their Christian faith and to show people that it is possible to live well even if you are on a tight budget.

Check out Ashley's Website: Joyful Thrifty Home
You can also follow her on; Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest

  5 Responses to “Dear Woman Who Feels Left Out on Mother’s Day”

  1. This is a great post, Ashley! I have felt some of the same things, especially worrying that other women won’t take me seriously if they were moms and I wasn’t.

    • Thank you Jane! I’m glad to know that you were able to connect with it in some way. It helps to know that you aren’t the only one when it comes to things like this, especially since I know it isn’t something that many people talk about.

  2. Thank you so much!

  3. Thank you. My husband and I just celebrated our first year married this April. Our friends and family are constantly asking ‘when’s the baby coming?!’ While we would love to have children now, it’s just not in God’s plan yet. No matter how often we tell them that we wish we could, it comes up quite often and it just puts us in a sad mindset. I’ve been struggling especially hard. Thank you again for your post, it truly made me feel less alone.

    • Thank you so much for your comment Kim! Marriage alone is tough but it can be especially difficult when you feel the baby pressure from friends and family. They usually really do mean well but I know it can sting a lot more than they realize. It took me a very long time to allow myself to express some of the feelings associated with the married and no kids stage in life but I knew that other women like you and me struggle with this more often than we might like to admit. I am so grateful that you were touched by it and I hope you continue to remember that you are not alone. I know it can feel like a very lonely place to be in but don’t ever let anyone bring you down because you do or don’t have kids. Your worth is not defined by whether or not you are a mother. Keep putting your trust in God and his timing.

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